Hey lovers and warriors!
Welcome to Episode 1 – THE RIBBON CUTTING Wahoo!
Be sure to check back every Wednesday (#humpday – how appropriate) for a new episode, and head over to iTunes to subscribe!
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Got a question you’d like us to answer? Email us at sexmatters@eatplaysex.com
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
This is the first episode on the journey to getting YOU the sex life and vitality you deserve. Follow Dr. Cat and Di as they bring you the latest research related to relationships, sex, and health. Sex, sexual connection and confidence are SUPER IMPORTANT and under emphasized as foundation for love and happiness in couples and individuals today. We’re not huge fans of sexless marriages, nor relationships, nor failing hormones and tired bodies. Let’s bring sexy back by starting with you, because #sexmatters
- Who we are and what we’re about
- Why we started this podcast and our goals for you!
- What problems we are seeing in regards to relationships and sex and health…and how it will help YOU!
- What we are going to be covering over the upcoming episodes
- The importance of Hormone Balance and Health for Sex, Sex Drive and Life Passion – the “TAO of Hormones” Thyroid, Adrenals, Ovaries…and how virtually EVERY woman in America needs more support here than ever (the answers do not lie in a pill or cream).
- Play more, get out of busy brain and into the body, pleasure anxiety
SEXY FOOD FOR ENERGY TO GET YOUR SEXY BACK
What’s a healthy and tasty alternative to energy bars loaded with sugar? Primal Kitchen Coconut Cashew Collagen Bars! They boost your energy with 15 grams of healthy protein (and just three grams of sugar). Primal Kitchen Coconut Cashew bars go back to the basics with heart-healthy cashews, naturally sweet coconut flakes, and fiber-rich pumpkin seeds, a HORMONE balancing and sexy stimulating fat. For a limited time, Thrive Market is offering a FREE box—get yours while the offer is HOT (like your future sex life)!
WHY YOU’LL LOVE THE SHOW
Real life stories and expert interviews to help you improve your sex life, by addressing mental blocks, nourishing your body, and balancing your hormones. This podcast will feel like you’re sitting down for coffee with your two best girlfriends to chat about the most erotic and embarrassing things you’re dying to share and get advice about. The best part? They’re the experts. Sex expert, Dr. Cat Meyer with hormone and detox expert, nutritionist Diane Kazer reveal to you what works (and what doesn’t) in the most entertaining way, encompassing all things sex and sex hormones such as self-love, sex toys, bedroom play, body shame, libido, frisky food, PMS, hormone balance and anything else sex-blocking you from the sex, life and body you deserve and desire. Each episode will give you simple steps and sexy strategies you can implement NOW to leave you feeling empowered, courageous, playful and motivated. Eat Play Sex is YOUR guide to all things sexy, healthy, and fun to rock the body of your dreams and help you get back in the playground with those you love. Because…#sexmatters
ABOUT US & HOW WE CAN HELP
LEARN MORE ABOUT DR CAT
LEARN MORE ABOUT DI
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Diane Kazer: Hello loves and sex kittens and goddesses out there.
Dr. Cat Meyer: Hmmm… yeah.
Diane: Yeah! Welcome! We’re so thrilled to present our new show if this is the first time you’re listening.
Dr. Cat: This is their first time. This is our first show.
Diane: Well, what if they’re listening to the first show and we already had five shows up?
Dr. Cat: Well, that’s their fault then, that they missed the first one.
Diane: You got to go in order. You guys, you got to go in order. You know, sometimes, you get a book and you open up, and you’re like, “I’m not digging this first chapter, and you go to chapter eight?”
Dr. Cat: Sometimes, I got to the very end and I read the end first. Is that bad? Don’t tell my family because we love books.
Diane: Do not do that with a love novel because I think you’re going to spoil the book.
Dr. Cat: Don’t do that with sex either. Don’t skip to the end. You know what I mean?
Diane: Oh! So we were discussing the most important topics for today so we can stay in order as we were just mentioning. I want to go over the most important things we have to cover today because this is our first show.
And what you guys can expect from this show—I mean, first of all, hot, awesome, blunt, authentic, creative and inspiring…
Dr. Cat: Super sexy… super!
Diane: Super sexy, super vulnerable and super raw! So, if you think that you can only talk to certain people about sex topics, and you’re like, “I can’t talk to even my best friends about this stuff or my mom or my sister or my boyfriend or significant other,” you can with us. And that’s what this is all about.
So, we’ve got Eat. Play. Sex. And it is just as it sounds.
Dr. Cat: I’m Dr. Cat Meyer.
Diane: And I’m Diane Kazer.
Dr. Cat: We’re both coming to you from Southern California sharing with you all of our expertise in all topics of Love. Sex…
Diane: Food… health… hormones.
So, just so you have an expectation of us. We’re both very clear communicators which is exactly what we feel that you should be in bed also. So what you can expect of us is the EPS show is going to be about 45 minutes long. We know you have a really busy live and we would rather you take that 45 minutes and maybe you could be do something productive with it like—I don’t know…
Dr. Cat: Have sex?
Diane: Yeah! Yeah.
Dr. Cat: Let’s be real. The average sex is what, maybe a few minutes?
Diane: Six, I feel like?
Dr. Cat: It’s something like that, six or eleven.
Diane: When I did my research, the most recent data I found is that it takes—how long do you think it takes a man to cum, to orgasm?
Dr. Cat: Four minutes?
Diane: It’s like three to four minutes.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah.
Diane: Yeah. And then, how long do you think it takes for a female?
Dr. Cat: Like 45?
Diane: Exactly!
Dr. Cat: I mean, it does take me a while. And the thing though is I don’t care. That’s fine. That’s how long it takes me. And I enjoy every single part of that.
Diane: Yeah! There’s no rush. It’s not like we’re on the fast lane going to work.
Dr. Cat: No!
Diane: Who treat it like that?
Dr. Cat: A lot of people.
And there’s a lot of shame about it too because people are thinking, “Oh, I’m not moving fast enough, this is taking too long. His neck is probably cramping.” Our women anatomy does not necessarily work like that.
It does take a while—it can take a while—to be aroused. Everybody’s sensitivity is very different from one another. And then, all the mental back-up that’s going on in our head that’s telling us that we need to be faster, that we need to be this, that we’re fat, that we’re this, all of that get in the way and that contributes to taking longer to receive that O!
Diane: Yeah, receive the O!
Now, O, speaking of O—I guess I’ll share. I’m currently single. And Cat, would you like to share?
Dr. Cat: …that I’m currently single?
Diane: Yeah! I don’t want to assume that I can speak for you, you know what I’m saying?
Dr. Cat: No, totally!
Diane: But we’re both single. And we know that a lot of us are. And so we can’t ignore that just because we’re single that sex is still very important. And loving ourselves, taking care of ourselves is important.
I just got out of a relationship a few weeks ago. And just something that comes to mind—pun intended, cums to mind—is that there were times when we were going to have sex and make love. And there was no fluffing. There was no foreplay.
Dr. Cat: No fluffing, no fluffer?
Diane: Yeah! No fluffer. I’m like, “Be fluffy, like your cute, little, white bunny.”
Dr. Cat: Be fluffy.
Diane: Yeah! “#befluffywithme. Please, treat me like a pillow. Move me around. Mold me.” There were times that I had to train him this way.
And that’s okay, ladies, because sometimes, we do. We have to communicate what we like and enjoy. He would just go and shove it right in. I’m like, “Hey, can you allow some juices to flow first? Can we get some oxytocin moving here?” And I’m like, “Well, let’s use some lube.” I’m like, “How about we just use my internal lube with love? Use the love lube.”
“Coconut oil is great. It’s healthier. But why do you think that you need to just jam it in there? Why does it need to be a rushed process?”
So, I got him going down on me more to start because we have been dating for three months, and there was no going down on me. I’m like, “What? Huh?”
Dr. Cat: Was he okay with it? Was this a conversation that you guys had?
Diane: Well, it had to be my conversation with him where it was like, “I don’t enjoy you just sticking it in.”
Dr. Cat: Well, no, me neither. That’s like…
Diane: But I think women may feel shame around that, do you think?
Dr. Cat: Oh, absolutely! But I think a big part of it is people just don’t know anatomy. They don’t know the cycle of arousal for men and women which is very different.
A lot of times, women—and this is another thing. A lot of times, women don’t feel desire for sex until they’re already aroused. So, we think that it’s arousal, then desire, then everything else. But sometimes, for women, it’s flip-flopped.
Diane: I full on feel that’s how I feel too.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, you don’t get in the mood until you’re already…
Diane: Yeah! Yeah.
Dr. Cat: And on top of that, in order to get aroused, women have to help themselves get into that mental space. And in order to receive—for intercourse, you do have to be aroused. You have to get the juices flowing like you’re saying or get the blood into the area of the genitals. You can’t just shove it in there because you can cause pain—which, when we cause pain, we remember that stuff. So then, in the future sex, we might become more inhibited where we’re like, “Oh, my gosh!” We remember the painful sex, and sex is not supposed to be painful.
Diane: No…
Dr. Cat: No! It’s supposed to be fun.
Diane: Yes!
Dr. Cat: It’s supposed to be playful.
Diane: So, you probably read from our description that Cat is a sex therapist.
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Diane: And I am a hormone expert. So specifically, I am concerned and I am loving and I’m careful and cautious. I really want you to thrive with your sex hormones.
So, I am what’s called a functional diagnostic nutritionist, so I look at labs to assess where our women’s hormone levels are. And exclusively now, I’m working mainly with women. I work with some guys and in group settings, but mainly, I’m working with women because what I’ve seen (and how this whole show even got started) is that I see a lot of women that are having painful sex and I’m like, “Why?”
They believe that they’re broken. They create this story where maybe so many times, he’s just gone right in for the insertion and she’s like, “Aw!” because she doesn’t have enough estrogen that has coated her lining or she just has flatline estrogen all the time. Maybe there wasn’t a foreplay or what I’ve seen in women is that their adrenals are so flatlined and our adrenals are our stress hormone adapters. They make sex, stress and sleep hormones.
And so, I see a lot of women in so much stress and they’re not able to drop into their body.
So, when that’s happening, the sex hormones get the backseat. So, the stress hormone, cortisol, is just all the time on. And then, the sex hormones can’t come into play because the body is just perceiving, “Oh, stress, run from the tiger. Run from something” even while we’re sleeping—or when we’re not sleeping because sleep hormones are made by the adrenals too.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… I didn’t know that.
Diane: Yeah! So, the three S’s, right? Our adrenals sit right on top of our kidneys. There are two of them on our backs. So sometimes, we’ll make it mid-back pain. They’re like, “Aw, my back is killing me,” and it’s like, “Well, that’s probably because your adrenals are on overload because you’re under so much stress.” It’s mind chatter, it’s physical stress, “I’m superwoman. I’m trying to do 15 things at once, work 10 hours a day, then come home to work, help the kids, do the household duties…”
Dr. Cat: Raise your hand if any of that fits you.
Diane: Or both, both hands and both feet.
Dr. Cat: Or all of them.
Diane: All of them.
Dr. Cat: All of them. And your head.
Diane: And your head. Yeah, do a head stand. That helps a little bit with your sex hormone levels and your stress levels.
Dr. Cat: Does it really?
Diane: Yeah!
Dr. Cat: Inversions, inversions. We’re also both yoga instructors too.
Diane: Yes! So, a lot of the things that we’re really talking about and what you can expect from us creating in the future is how to play in your life, in your yoga poses, in the kitchen, so that you can play and be inspired more in the bedroom.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… that sounds great.
Diane: Yeah! Experiment with sex. And then, it’s a sexperiment.
Dr. Cat: Sexperiment, [gasp].
Diane: Sexperiment!
Dr. Cat: Hashtag.
Diane: Hashtag. That’s a new one.
Dr. Cat: #sexperiment
Diane: Yes.
So Cat, can you talk a little bit about how the show came to play and where we first started all of these?
Dr. Cat: Yeah! God! We met years ago when we were both teaching yoga in Southern California and I was running a show on Playboy Radio called The Coach where we talked about sex and love, relationship and dating advice for people and we brought you on the show.
We brought you on the show and you brought a guest. And so the guest, you ran all these tests for her—her hormone levels and her digestive system. And you helped her get back on track health-wise.
And then, I talked to her about—well, my and my co-host, we talked to her about the mental emotional aspects of it. And I remember specifically calling out some sort of resentment for her husband and her face just goes whomp! That was like, “Oh, we hit something.”
Diane: Mm-hmmm… and it’s not the back of the vagina either.
Dr. Cat: No.
Diane: She haven’t had that hit for a long time with her husband which is really sad.
Dr. Cat: But this is what’s going on. Okay, so for me, I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in sexuality in California. I work with individuals, male and female, in couples.
What I’m seeing primarily with my couples is that they get into this state of holding resentment or not being generous towards their partner for this, that or the other reason whether it’s life stressors, relational stressors, kids. And then, they come to me and they don’t have sexual desire.
So, what they don’t understand is them holding back or them being angry at their partner, nobody wins with that. You definitely aren’t winning because you’re not getting any.
Diane: Mm-hmmm… mm-hmmm…
So, let me ask you this, Dr. Cat. The resentment that they have for their partner which then breeds the lack of sexual desire, does that sexual desire within them for anyone subside or do they just turn it off for their partner, and then they end up getting sex somewhere else or craving sex somewhere else?
Dr. Cat: It can be, it can be. But if you think about it—and we’ll go into this a lot more in other episodes—when we are angry or when we’re tense, our body contracts (which I also teach a lot of mindfulness for people, helping people to drop down into their bodies and feel what’s going on there).
But when your body contracts, your sensory receptors are more close, so you’re a lot less sensitive than you are when you’re relaxed or when you’re open or when you’re being generous to anyone.
So, if you’re holding resentment or anger, of, your body is more contracted. Therefore, the flow of the energy, the flow of your whole system is not open enough to receive or to give in a sexual way.
Diane: Yeah. And then, there’s resentment built and then there’s also scar tissue inside our anatomy that gets built. And so it’s less resilient and a little bit more difficult to actually love the act of sex.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
Diane: Love the act of making love.
And when I did that survey, Dr. Cat, since I’m developing a healthy lube (it’s like a vagina vitamin thing) because I work with so many women who have—well, they would call it “cobwebs,” but I would call it, like you said, maybe some emotional built-up resentment.
Dr. Cat: Oh, absolutely! There are some sort of emotional build-up. I don’t believe any of these exists by itself.
Diane: Right! And then, also, tissue damage, lack of self lubrication, viruses, yeast infections, urinary tract infections, endometriosis. There are so many things that can happen with our inside health that we can actually rectify.
So, that’s why this tag team approach is so important because it’s not just one thing. It’s not an isolated incident. Sex is emotional. It’s mental. It’s physical. It’s spiritual.
So, we’re coming at this from both angles, so that you can be well-rounded healthy and you can have a well-rounded sexcapade.
Dr. Cat: Absolutely! And I think that’s what we found in our last show that we did—God, that was probably two years ago. We really resonated so well. We had such good play off each other. And it created such a holistic view of what was going on.
So, of course, you can be working with somebody and help them fix their adrenals and their hormones, but if it doesn’t fix the underlying emotional issue, then we’re just going to keep recreating the body to not be able to have sex or not have that desire.
And same with my stuff—if we deal with just the emotional piece, but then the body is still ill for whatever reason, then again, go back!
Diane: Yeah, that’s what we had seen when we worked with that guest on your show. She had a history, a long history of—I think it was like 15 years of birth control.
Dr. Cat: Oh…
Diane: And this is a big part of my mission too that I share in my work and what I’m passionate about now—and we’ll get into the current projects that we’re doing, so you guys can follow us and get excited about some things that we are doing and the projects that are upcoming—birth control.
While we take it so that we can be irresponsibly sexy and let them cum inside of us, maybe fall asleep inside of us and increase the experience of connection, but then what the birth control pill does is it just drops our sex drive because it gives us so much of the estrogen and progesterone synthetic, we get a condition called estrogen-dominance, and then that backs up in the liver. And this is one of the main reasons and causes now of breast cancer and endometrial issues.
And then, we get B vitamin, magnesium, potassium deficiencies with birth control. And that’s what I saw in her reports when we ran those. She was deficient in all of those things. And her sex drive can’t be there when she doesn’t have B vitamins.
Dr. Cat: So, why don’t you tell everybody what you’re working on to be able to help people turn this around?
Diane: Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. So right now—and I found this to be pretty cleverly coined—I’m working on The Balance of TAO.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… I like that, the TAO.
Diane: Yeah, TAO.
Dr. Cat: It’s so, I don’t know, masterful of it I think. I feel like martial arts, you know?
Diane: Yes, be a master of your own masturbator or whatever else it is in your life.
So, if you have courage and confidence in your life, you can master your life, then you can master your sex. If you can master your sex, you can master your life. It kind of works both ways. Master hormones, right?
So, what TAO stands for is thyroid, adrenals and ovaries. Those are the manufacturing plant of all of our hormones. So, what I say is “if you’re not a TAO girl, then you can’t be a cowgirl in bed.”
Dr. Cat: Whoa!
Diane: You can’t ride.
Dr. Cat: What about our reverse cowgirl?
Diane: Oh, so hot, reverse cowgirl. And I love horses. I’ve been a cowgirl all my life.
Dr. Cat: Really?
Diane: Yeah. So actually, it’s really funny. I don’t know if I’ve ever shared this. But when I ride my horse on my saddle…
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah, tell me more…
Diane: …or if I’m bare back, there’s this area on the saddle or there’s an area on his back bone where it’s just like clit gets stimulated. And there’s been so many times when I’m on a trail all by myself and I’m like, “Uh-oh…” I’ve been single and whatever…
Dr. Cat: Why would you be “Uh-oh”?
Diane: I know, right?! There’s some shame around “Is this considered beastiality because I’m getting off my horse right now?”
Dr. Cat: No, no.
Diane: No shame, no game.
So, yeah, that’s one thing I’m working on right now, just having healthy hormone, so that you can be a healthy whore moaning.
Dr. Cat: Wow, I like that. You’re all full of these zingers today, aren’t you?
Diane: Zingers, have some pun.
So, that’s one of mine. Cat, let’s share one of yours.
Dr. Cat: Yeah! Oh, God. I’ve got quite a few also. One of the biggest ones I’m so excited about on is I’m really passionate about yoga and helping people to really drop down into their bodies and into their senses. So I’ve been collaborating with Dr. Ava Cadell on her project, Sexycises.
I know, isn’t that so cute? Sexycises.
Diane: So cute!
Dr. Cat: Sexycizes. It is exercises, specifically yoga, to increase intimacy between partners—and individually too.
So, I’m hoping there to write a book and a video, an instructional video, where that shows you how you can do your partner yoga or acro-yoga with your partner to increase intimacy and sexiness and fitness all at the same time—and playfulness.
Really, it’s just so playful. Have you ever done acro-yoga?
Diane: I love, love acro-yoga.
Dr. Cat: Oh, she’s almost like, “Aah, aah…”
Diane: Aahhh… I’m getting […] just talking about it. Like how it opens your hips, come on!
Dr. Cat: Oh, that feels so good.
Diane: I did some acro-yoga last night on a boat for a Halloween party.
Dr. Cat: Aw…
Diane: And then, I ended up in another room getting massaged by the guy who was doing the acro-yoga with me…
Dr. Cat: And then… and then…
Diane: I know, I know. I was holding like one guy’s arm as the other one just elbowed deeply into me. It was just releasing so much stuff that I was able to drop into my body.
Dr. Cat: Ah, I love that. Yes, thank you. More please.
Diane: Mm-hmmm… And there’s a whole room of people doing it. It sounds like an orgy, but it’s just all love.
Dr. Cat: It is, it really is. And the whole community is that way too. Everybody is super touchy and there isn’t so much inhibition about where my hand goes or where your crotch is because it’s play. You aren’t feeling so self-conscious about that—you just are, you’re just in it.
Diane: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Cat: So, I’m working with Dr. Ava Cadell. I’ll be joining with her on some workshops and leading some retreats. So, stay tuned for that. I’m super excited.
Diane: Mm-hmmm… cool! When you say “play,” I just laugh. That’s why play is in our name because play just gives me permission to just drop the perfection, to drop the duties. And it’s just… yeah…
Dr. Cat: The duties…
Diane: Drop the duties and drop on to a mushroom.
Dr. Cat: What?
Diane: Well, you know, a mushroom tip.
Dr. Cat: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Diane: You’ve never heard people call it a mushroom tip?
Dr. Cat: No?
Diane: A penis?
Dr. Cat: Oh!
Diane: It looks like a mushroom tip.
Dr. Cat: Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Huh…
Diane: Yeah.
Dr. Cat: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Diane: Drop your story and drop onto the mushroom tip. It’s my thing.
So, speaking of mushrooms, healing the gut is number two for me. And there are not many people who make this correlation, and they’re very surprised when I say, “Heal your gut, get out of your rut.”
And what I mean by “getting out of your rut” is getting out of your life rut, getting out of your sex rut, getting out of your lack of confidence rut. Whatever it is, healing the gut is going to clear up a ton of confusion for you.
There’s something that’s called the estrobolome. Microbiome is what our gut is made of. Its’ like a ton of different bacteria. There should be more good bacteria which is probiotics than bad bacteria which is more antibiotics. These not good bugs can be Candida, parasites, bacteria, super bugs, viruses. And I see this on so many women’s stool test that I test. They’ll have like crazy parasites and…
Dr. Cat: Wow!
Diane: When you have gut issues and you have digestion problems, then you’re not rearing to go because…
Dr. Cat: No, you don’t feel sexy.
Diane: Not at all, not at all, not in the least. And so, it’s very, very common. Some people will say, “I don’t have digestive problems.” If you have any symptom, you have a digestion problem. And people don’t make that correlation.
So, the microbiome has many different constellations and one of them is called the estrobolome.
Dr. Cat: It sounds like… well, actually, I was thinking it was like an alien spaceship.
Diane: Oh, yeah? Well, it could be.
Dr. Cat: Or like a ride at the carnival. You know what I mean though?
Diane: Damn it! This is not sexy anymore. Well, it’s a sexy constellation, and that’s what our gut is. We are more bacteria than we are anything else. We’re like 98% bacteria.
Dr. Cat: No way!
Diane: Yeah, 98%. So, it’s like, “Stop bugging me,” I’m like, “Well, you are a bug. We’re all bugs.”
So, the estrobolome is one of many constellations that they’ve identified in the gut that is responsible for flushing harmful estrogens and for making and synthesizing new hormones that we need to fight cancer, to fight bugs, the bad bugs.
And more of us have bad bugs than good bugs. It’s the opposite direction. It should be more like an 80/20 thing, 80% good and 20% bad or something like that. No two people are the same. It’s like a thumb print.
So, that’s my main work right now. And I’m working with the top microbiome specialist, one of the top ones in the world on creating a healthy lube, the vagina vitamin that helps to add the good stuff back in.
Dr. Cat: Oh, I love that! Very cool.
Diane: Yeah, estrobolome.
Dr. Cat: ♪ estrobolome, estrobolome ♪
Diane: We should get a jingle for that.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. I’m on it. I’ll help you.
Diane: Yeah.
Dr. Cat: You know, another one of the reasons why I’m so excited about this show is that I feel in our society, there’s so much emphasis on control. There’s so much where people are trying to create these experiences or create another day to be productive or look this certain way or their bodies to look a certain way and this, that and the other.
But when we do that, we’re actually preventing ourselves from really experiencing pleasure. So then, when we go into a state where we start feeling good—do not stop me if you know this—if you start feeling good, we will contract because it’s like, “Oh, my God! I’m feeling good. What is this? I’m feeling a little out of control, feeling a little overwhelmed with the feelings.” And then, we contract and we close and we stop it.
Diane: Uh-uh…
Dr. Cat: And we call this “pleasure anxiety.” And I’m seeing this more and more.
I see this in some of the women that I’ve been working with too. In the middle of sex, they start feeling the arousal, and it scares them, so then they stop it. Now, in future episodes, we’ll get into why that is. I plan to have a whole episode on that. I think it’s so important.
Diane: Totally! It’s so important.
Dr. Cat: But why is it that—or figuring out for ourselves, “Why do we stop ourselves from feeling good?” and helping people to learn this concept of sweet surrender, surrendering, allowing instead of controlling and contracting.
Diane: I have issue with that.
Dr. Cat: A lot of us do.
Diane: I mean, I’ve never even had anal sex.
Dr. Cat: That’s okay. You don’t have to.
Diane: And I think that’s a part of it, the control thing.
Dr. Cat: Maybe. Maybe. Or you just don’t have to like it. That’s fine.
Diane: Yeah, yeah.
Dr. Cat: That’s another thing. And another episode I want to talk about are arousal maps, how we decide what thing we’re attracted to, what things get us going, what things don’t because that is just as important as everything else.
Diane: G-spot GPS.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… I like that.
Diane: Rawr… I need to know where my g-spots are. Actually, that’s how I’ve learned to play, just having partners show me things too.
Dr. Cat: And exploring and giving yourself permission to be curious and explore and figure out what you want.
Nobody knows what they want until they give themselves permission to figure it out. So don’t expect that you know what you want right from the get-go. Even years later, you probably haven’t really allowed yourself to explore. We just expect the other person to know what to do or we put up with what the other person does instead of figuring it out.
Diane: Put up or put out. No, wait…
Dr. Cat: No, let’s not.
Diane: Wait, no. Cut it out. Don’t put up.
Dr. Cat: Yes.
Diane: Yeah, that’s better. I like that.
Dr. Cat: I like that.
Diane: Yeah. And we did talk about this before. I’m not sure if it was one of our Facebook live feeds or if it was on our show, but it’s the art of receiving. It’s not just sex, it’s anything, right? So, when you say what you just did, it’s like I check myself. I mental check myself. How am I receiving things—a compliment, a gift, an act of service, one of the four love languages?
How do you receive your partner’s love languages? How are you receiving their sex languages?
Oh, my gosh! That’s going to be on our future show. Dr. Ava has some really cool stuff on that.
Dr. Cat: Yeah. Yes. Ah, I can’t wait. I can’t wait to share that, yes.
Diane: Yeah, yeah.
Hopefully, you guys have heard of the love languages, but you can hear more about the sex languages, the personalities from Dr. Ava when we’re going to interview her. She’s coming up.
Dr. Cat: Oh, she’s so cute.
Diane: She’s adorable. And if you don’t know who she is, look her up.
Dr. Cat: Look her up.
Diane: And then, you’ll get to hear her talking.
Dr. Cat: Fall in love with her.
Diane: Fall in love with her. She’s so adorable.
Dr. Cat: It’s okay. We have.
Diane: Yeah, we have too.
So, the third thing that I want to share—and this is one of my missions for you ladies and you couples out there—the name of our show is Eat. Play. Sex., and so the “play” for me is to play with foods and experiment with new things.
The more that we can experiment, the more we feel confident with trying different things in the bedroom as well. I like to say, “Do you have COURAGE to try new things and be adoptable and adaptive?”
And what “COURAGE” means, it’s an acronym that I created like TAO:
Creativity, which is the C;
Encourage;
O is oxytocin. It binds us to each other;
U is unconditional love. Are there conditions in your relationship? Are there conditions in the bedroom?;
The fourth one which Cat mentioned is retreat. It’s important to retreat and to rest. The average American gets six hours of sleep…
Dr. Cat: I don’t. I get like eight.
Diane: Yeah, I’m an eight girl. I’m such an eight girl. Sometimes, I’m a 10 girl.
Dr. Cat: I’m so at and about it too.
Diane: Yeah, sleep is critical. And if you’re not sleeping, then you’re not sexing—at least well.
Dr. Cat: For real. No, that’s so true.
Diane: Yeah, yeah. So you need to make rest important. It needs to be at the top of your list. Don’t even start going out and buying really awesome, expensive foods until you’re getting your eight hours of rest. You conquer that, then you work on eating really healthy.
Dr. Cat: Mm-hmmm…
Diane: People do not prioritize that enough.
Authenticity is critical. Are you being yourself? Are you acting? Are you people pleasing? If you’re people-pleasing, you’re sure enough not going to be pleasing yourself or showing someone how to please yourself through them or pleasing the other person too because, a lot of people, I notice in their relationships, they don’t want to please their partner. They’re not being authentic;
And then G is gratitude. So, be grateful for the things that you have. If you’re a complainer, no complainer is good in bed. Well, generalization;
And then, empathy, being able to connect to your partner’s desires—anyone’s, in general, desires—and how they feel about their life and love and just being able to connect with them.
So, courage, that’s what courage spells to me, having the courage to try new things, to explore yourself. And when you have that, then you have your roadmap to success in life and in the bedroom.
Dr. Cat: Yeah, I love that. I love that. So that’s COURAGE. Beautiful!
So, the last reason why I am doing this show is kind of what I said earlier. It’s bringing people back to play. And I’ve noticed this a lot. Play is such a big thing in my life that I’m seeing people everywhere over-working themselves, over-stressed, and then they wonder they’re depressed, why they’re anxious, why they aren’t happy with their life, why they aren’t happy with their relationships, why they’re not having good sex, why they aren’t having any sex at all.
But being playful is a mindset. It’s shifting into this state where you’re moving away from productivity and end result, and you’re so present in the process of it.
And it’s playing without consequence. It’s moving forward without worrying about “I just fell off the bed” or “My leg is looking funny in this position.” It’s okay. It’s not being focused on those things that cause the stress.
This is what counterbalances the effects of the stress hormones on our body. This helps us to be able to build and bond with our partners. When we’re laughing, we’re releasing so much endorphins and oxytocin when we’re in that playful mindset that it bonds us to each other.
Diane: Yeah, and that was part of the oxytocin and COURAGE.
You can recall many times when I was younger a lot of shame around “If I move my leg this way, you can see my fat rolls.”
Dr. Cat: Totally! Yeah. Those thoughts, they pull us up out of that sexual experience. It pulls us out of our senses, and we’re in the busy brain, and we’re not in the feeling of it, we’re not in the experience anymore. And it’s hard to stay sexy when we’re just up there in the monkey.
Diane: Insecure.
Dr. Cat: In the monkey, in the monkey brain.
Diane: In the monkey, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ah-ah, not an “Ahhh…”
Dr. Cat: Not with the bananas.
Diane: With the mushroom tip.
Dr. Cat: I still don’t get it. I get it, I get it. But it’s the weirdest thing. I don’t want to think of a mushroom.
Diane: That is so funny. Well, I think of the Smurfs. But I wrote this really exotic, erotic poem in college. I’ll read it to you sometime.
Dr. Cat: Okay, that sounds great.
Diane: And I’ll post it on our website because it was about the mushroom tip and the butterfly landing on the mushroom tip, and it was like this really beautiful act of sex. And it was actually a class I took that was called “Animalistic Brain: The Act of Play”
Dr. Cat: Whoa!
[housekeeping notes]
Diane: Okay, Cat, let’s get into what’s to come.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… what’s to come? What is to come, Diane? Tell me.
Diane: What’s to come?
Well, first of all, you guys every day—and ladies, hopefully. Or what is to come is maybe you’re driving home from a Halloween party last night using your vibrator on the road.
Dr. Cat: Did you really?
Diane: Yeah.
Dr. Cat: I’ve done that before.
Diane: Before? I carry it in my purse. I do it all the time.
Dr. Cat: Oh! I don’t do it all the time. But sometimes, when I’m stuck in traffic…
Diane: Yeah, in traffic. I get so bored or, sometimes, I’m tired and I’m like, “I need to stay awake” and/or I’m on the phone having a sexy talk with a boy I’m dating or something. You just get explorational. Just have the courage and the confidence to step outside of the norm.
So, that’s what you can look forward to, us always sharing our authentic stories about what we’ve been doing, what we are doing. And we’re going to have a lot of different people on here. I talked about the microbiome. My biggest and favorite mentor is Kiran Krishnan. And he is the creator of Megaspore. I love the probiotic line. That’s also some of the things that we’re putting into the lube. So, that’s some of the stuff that we’re going to be talking about.
In the future shows—like we said, the near show that we’re going to have Dr. Ava on—we’re going to talk about play, sex with her.
Can you share why you are bringing her on and why you’re working with her? What were some of the more powerful things that you’re excited to talk with her about that you want our audience to endorse or that you want them to follow?
Dr. Cat: She’s such a powerhouse. I know that she’s got this Loveology University that helps people to not only understand themselves sexually, but if someone wants to become a coach, they can learn how to coach people through that process.
She’s got a whole slew of sexperts that she works with. And each of them specialize in different areas of sexuality.
She really helps people take the shame away from sex and helps people to understand this on a scientific level. One of her books is Neuroloveology which helps people to see the processes of the brain and how that plays a role inside.
Diane: That’s amazing! When you start connecting things like that, “neuro” is “of the mind” or “of the brain” and then connecting that to the act of sex, that’s the fusion of sex. It’s not just an isolated thing. “What’s wrong with me?”
Dr. Cat: Yeah, yeah.
We also have Barry Selby who will be on.
Diane: Yes! Oh, Barry…
Dr. Cat: I adore him. I have a video of us. We were at coffee the other day and we’re like, “Let’s do a video” and we were drinking coffee all the while.
Diane: You’re like […]
Dr. Cat: Oh, my God!
Diane: “My cortisol is really high right now.”
Dr. Cat: “I don’t know what’s going on.”
Diane: That’s exactly the point. We want you guys to say that often. “I don’t even know what’s going on,” which means you’re losing control, which means that you’ve surrendered, which means sexy.
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: “I don’t even know who I am right now.”
Exactly! Stop being in control of the knowing of who you are. Sometimes, you learn more about who you are when you just…
Dr. Cat: …allow.
Diane: And to try not to be so focused on the story of who you think you are.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… hmmm…
Diane: So, that’s what we’re going to talk about with Barry Selby. Those are the three guest speakers that we’ve lined up already so far for you guys. And we already have the bi-weekly episodes. That’ll take us for about—we’ve already got eight weeks worth of episodes. So, that’s two months worth of juicy talk.
And so, we’ve almost talked now for 45 minutes. This is about how long you guys should be having sex. So if you wanted to bookmark it for how long you should be having sex, you could listen to our shows, our sexy voices and make love at the same time.
Dr. Cat: I’ve been told that in my yoga classes, that my voice, my meditation is really sexy and they can’t concentrate because of my voice.
Diane: Cat gets the juices for me. It’s just her voice.
Dr. Cat: Extend your arms into warrior 2.
Diane: And then, I come over with my alter-personality. She goes from like acro-yoga and I go to agro-yoga.
Dr. Cat: Agro?
Diane: Agro! Well, you know, some people get really angry in bed which is really hot. So, it’s yeah. Want you want depends on the day. Sometimes, it’s not vanilla; it’s neopolitan.
Dr. Cat: So, in between our episodes, you can also catch us on YouTube, on our YouTube channels, our individual YouTube channels—Diane Kazer and Sex Love Yoga. You can also catch us on Instagram and Facebook. We’re both on Facebook.
So, we would love to hear from you. If you’re interested on being on our show, you’re interested in being a speaker, if you’re a sex or a health expert, or if you want to be a guest with a bunch of questions about your sexuality, please reach out to us at our websites, sex—I hate the play. I’m just all about sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
Diane: Cat wants to name this show Sex, Sex, Sex. I, as a nutritionist, I’m like, “Wait a second…”
Dr. Cat: What about me?
Diane: You got to have eating in there. You eat in bed too like whip cream and strawberries?
Dr. Cat: Oh, girl, I eat in bed.
Diane: Ooh…
Dr. Cat: But go to our website, EatPlaySex.com and reach out to us. We would love to have you on.
Diane: Yeah, just send a big ole hug and kiss with that email that you send over. And we’ve already had some people reaching out to us on Facebook and sending us their messages and their stories. Well, that’s okay. We’re going to redirect you anyway over to EatSexPlay.com. That’s where we want you to reach out to us and we would love to have you as a guest as well.
So, if you’re a sex expert or if you’re a sex hormone expert or a gut expert or anything that can be a roadblock that prevents us from having the most mind-blowing orgasmic sex and connection of our life to ourselves, to our partners, to our pets, to everything around us, we want to have you. We’re interested in having you.
Dr. Cat: Hmmm… yeah.
Diane: Yeah. We’ll have a little threesome action.
Dr. Cat: Yeah.
Diane: …which should mean we’re interviewing you.
Dr. Cat: Alright! So that is all we have for you today. We’re really excited to have you, to be welcoming you to our show.
Diane: That’s a wrap, a gluten-free wrap.
Dr. Cat: A gluten-free wrap. Can I be a vegan?
Diane: Yeah, I could be a vegan too.
Dr. Cat: Alright! Take care, love birds, and we’ll see you next time.
