They say if you want to find the answer to everything, look in the mirror.
As it pertains to health…nutrition…in my industry. I hear this a lot:
I’VE TRIED EVERY DIET…I’M STILL NOT HAPPY WITH MY BODY!
Is it possible you ‘self sabotage’ your own success?
The answer is likely more of ‘HOW’ do you self sabotage?
What does it look like for you, and what is the main seed that was planted years ago, that has grown into a lifelong battle of never ending failed attempts, backed by powerful intentions, yet unrealized dreams.
Super curious to hear what you say to yourself that holds you back 🙂
Ok I’ll share first.
This is my ‘theme’…my ‘story’…that echoes in the back of my mind whenever I set sail for a new goal.
“Diane, you’re talking too much. You have too much energy. Chill out…people probably think you’re annoying. YES, but I enjoy helping others and making them laugh. SURE, but remember what you were told when you were a little girl. Your higher energy makes people feel bad/tired/insecure. Stop scoring more goals so the other team doesn’t feel bad. Allow others to try to answer ?’s the teacher asks (but no one else is trying), stop laughing so much/being so happy/offering to help…you’re draining everyones energy. DIANE, YOU’RE TOO MUCH!”
Yep, THAT negative talk goes on whenever the outcome of anything differs from what I hope/expect/project.
IT’S TIRING TO HEAR THE SHAME WE CARRY WITHIN OURSELF ALL DAY!
So then, I punish myself for self criticism and say ‘Diane, think positive’…the inevitable inauthentic facade of positive mindset can be a form of denial. what I deny about myself, i’m resisting. what I resist persists. Ie – if I sweep my shame and insecurity of ‘being too much’, low self worth under the rug and pretend like it doesn’t bother me, am ignorant to it, take the easy way out rather than being vulnerable to it by facing the pain head on, it will govern my decisions and surface as symptoms of that. My attempt to escape my shame, drives me deeper in it…and I’m left, still…farther away from my authentic ‘powerful and strong’.
Which…sadly…I think is one of the main reasons people go overboard with fad and EXTREME cult’y diets…and also, work outs … married to the belief they need to ‘destroy their legs/abs/guns’ in order to FEEL power and strength physically…that they lack emotionally.
I know for me…I have done that ALL my life – extreme snowboarder, horse competitor, pro soccer player, Women’s Figure Bodybuilder…
It was a nice crutch…for a while…but now the REAL strength is surfacing, as I ‘allow’ my deep rooted shame to bubble up, deal with it head on, release it with self love and compassion, realizing it will always be there, like the wounded/scared/sad 4 year old little girl, but yet, my ‘role as a parent’ to myself has shifted. Instead of the ‘CALM DOWN, you’re being too much again’ – it’s – ‘Hey little Diane…what is this sadness about? Why do you feel sad?’ holding her hand, tucking her into bed, with a teddy bear and a kiss on the forehead ‘IT’S OK’
I find this self love in meditation, stillness and quiet within myself where answers can surface. Everything else has been a nice distraction to face the pain – a shiny new diet, new workout routine, new boyfriend, new yoga tights, new running shoes, insert other new addiction HERE…
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable!
So check this out…you know when you have a thought about something unpleasant…and you grab a bite of X to band aid that negative thought with a pleasant taste. I’ll be the first to admit. I do this with chocolate almonds. It’s like my distraction/avoidance/escape reality crack!!! I know I’m deferring facing my negative thoughts, and hence the root of it that brought them on, when I reach for chocolate or rice chips. My mind is like ‘Oh but they’re healthier versions of candy and potato chips’. The ego chirps ‘ration’ into me, further pacifying my 5 year old “I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar, I know I’m not supposed to be eating these”, looking for approval, and reassurance that it’s cool, you’re not in trouble for doing what you just did.
WHOA, THAT’S A WORK OUT JUST READING THAT MAP OF THOUGHTS ISN’T IT?
The distractions people use to escape their ‘negative thoughts’ with ‘unrealistic positivity’ differ for each person and each situation. Sex, Drugs, Alcohol, Food, Cutting, Picking at their skin, biting nails…those are all ‘nervous’ habits we chose to ‘mask pain’. I say ‘Get it on the Floor’ and meditate your face off. “But I don’t know how to meditate, my mind goes crazy whenever I try to tell it to STFU”…trust me, when I was 20 and I took my first yoga class at my cousins Bikram studio, I didn’t either. 16 years later, I STILL don’t. LOL it’s not about perfection, it’s about the ‘act of’ calming the mind. It will never be completely free of ‘monkey mind’ … unless you’re Buddha maybe. 🙂
Meditation becomes ‘easier’ when you diversify your ‘solo time’ – paint, learn guitar, get out in nature, adopt a dog, volunteer, travel alone. These are great ways to ease your way into meditation via calming the mind first…THEN, sit still, close your eyes and close off all distractions and noise. LISTEN to the ‘station’, the ‘frequency’ that is your thoughts. Ask which are TRULY yours, and which you’ve been TAUGHT by society. Then ask…do I like these I’ve acquired? After careful sorting, with intention, discard the ones that are ‘not real’, thank your ego for ‘trying’ to protect you, holding you back to ‘keep you safe’. Observe the weight off your back from not carrying around anything that is ‘not yours’ (ie giving too many F’s about what others think)…And then fly!
The faster life flies by, the quicker things change, the more we need to adapt, and the more often we need to recalibrate into our place in it. It’s almost like we need to RELEARN our identity and purpose as the world changes around us. That’s pretty damn often. So…today…more than ever….you need your solo space. A sanctuary of silence, where the only noise is your thoughts, that fertilizes truth…and hence…
A Greater LOVE…for YOURSELF!
There are 3 things I work at regularly, to combat this negative self talk:
- I have a wonderfully amazing and nurturing hypnotherapist I see MONTHLY
- I MAKE TIME to meditate for AT LEAST 5 minutes daily to center and ground. Meditate not medicate! 🙂
- I ask for, seek out and observe feedback I receive from my actions. Your surroundings, roadblocks, blessings and experiences in your life will echo back to you the energy you’re putting out, based on where you’re at in your head. A mirror to the thoughts, that manifest into actions in your life. In yoga, we call it ‘Chitta Vritti’ which means ‘mind chatter’ in Sanskrit, or ‘MONKEY MIND’.
So, try it warriors! THIS is EXERCISE for the mind. Think of it like ‘brain burpees’. OMG I LOVE that. heehee! But it’s not exhaustive like ‘monkey mind’…it’s a short term exercise for the long term gain of a more peaceful mind. Or better said a more ‘piece’ful mind. You’ll gain MASSIVE insight into the piece of you that you’re mostly unfamiliar with…your HEART. 🙂 The closer you are with that, the sooner your REAL dreams will begin coming true. And the ones that weren’t intended to, you accept as a blessing…because maybe they weren’t YOUR dreams.